I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
