just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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