Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
