the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
