To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
