Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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