I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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