she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
