put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
