We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
