pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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