and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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