I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
