dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
