Pappa wants mamma naked
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Success! We fucked roommates!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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