If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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