There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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