and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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