Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
