I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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