I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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