When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I will pee on everything he values.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
