You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
