I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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