I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
