ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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