my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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