Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
