At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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