You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
