The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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