did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
