R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
