Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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