New invention idea: vibrating tampons
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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