my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
