you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
