Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
