He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
