Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
