dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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