i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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