Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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