DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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