im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
