Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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