I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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