How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize