making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
this hospital has no fireball
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
