so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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