i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
