I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
