I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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