Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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