I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
is it fun? or sober?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
