oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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