Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
