I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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