I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
