If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
