dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you had me at cake vodka
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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