What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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