as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
