It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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