O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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