no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
