Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
God, I missed his penis.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
