I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
