ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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