I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
