ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
