I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
