My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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